I haven’t written in…a long time. To be completely honest, I just haven’t been feeling it. It’s not overwhelm or burnout, it’s, frankly, feeling rather uninspired. I haven’t felt like writing. Know what happens when I’m habitually forcing myself to write? I write garbage stuff that I hate! That’s the short answer, anyway. This post is an attempt to cover the entire story.
Truth: I’m not sure what’s next for me, or for this blog in 2017. I don’t want to commit to a regular posting schedule, because I don’t know that it’s something that I am able to–or even want–to continue to do. In some ways, I feel like this is the end of an era. I’ve been writing online, in a professional capacity, for close to ten years at this point! From a two-stories-a-week internship my freshman year of college, to an editorial director role that required two stories a day with no days off, to the grind of contract-free freelance work, it’s been, well, a lot. Writing has always been my number one love in life, so it freaks me out a little to be at this turning point where I really don’t know if it’s what I want to be doing anymore. At least…not on a full-time basis. My heart is forever thirsty. I have new loves and passions and interests and curiosities. I want to explore. I don’t want to be reigned in. It’s not that I don’t want to do THIS anymore, I just want to do it in a very different way. There’s phases. Eras. Cycles. 2009 – 2013, for me, was fashion and style. 2013 – 2016 was fitness and wellness. I don’t even know what my next thing is going to be. I have to figure out what inspires me. What I feel so excited about that I’m practically compelled to write about it. It’s going to take some searching.
When you make the shift from hobby blogging to professional blogging, things kinda change. It’s about more than coming up with an idea and typing it up. It’s formatting and editing and taking photos and creating graphics and Tweeting and posting to IG and adding each post to Pinterest and joining networks and finding sponsors and working in affiliate links and networking and posting in Facebook groups and attending webinars and creating editorial calendars and trying to stand out and replying to comments and to emails and, yes, CONSTANTLY COMING UP WITH NEW IDEAS. When I started this blog, it was my LIFE. It was the summer of 2014, and I had moved to a city where I didn’t know anyone, and that I had zero interest in living in. Since we moved for Alex’s job, he was suuuper busy. It was not a great time! I was sad, frustrated, and honestly, really lonely. Being able to throw myself into designing this site, creating content for the blog and for social media, growing a following, and connecting with like-minded women kept me afloat during times that were–unbeknownst to readers–some of the more difficult periods of my life. So, yeah. Not only did I want this, I needed it. At this point, though, nearly three years later, I don’t know what I need. What I do know, though, is that I want to take a step back to figure it all out. I want to do it all, and I also want to do absolutely nothing.
So that’s what I’m doing. I’m taking a step back.
I realize that it is an incredible privilege and luxury to be able to actually DO just that…but it’s also like, I feel that it is because I have been afforded this rare kind of freedom that I’m having this feeling in the first place. I mean, when I was in college and juggling 20 credits, an internship, club positions, and a social life, I couldn’t just *~take a break~* because I wasn’t feeling it! I didn’t even have time to THINK about not doing the things I was doing! I just did it. I had to. Now? I literally don’t have to do any of this, and I still feel weary. There isn’t a logical reason for me to be feeling this drained. But then…there is. It took a few times coming back to these feelings (and to the draft of this very post) to realize that I’ve actually been doing something similar over the last four years. Moving and changing and adapting and moving again. Figuring out new environments. Creating new homes. Finding new outlets. Trying to keep my head above water. Maybe it makes sense that now that I feel safe and happy and whole, I’m allowing myself to take a break.
Blogs and bloggers evolve all the time. There are very, very few writers whom I currently follow that are doing the same-exact-thing that they were doing when I initially started reading and following them. Some have rebranded, some have ditched personal blogs to write columns or serve as editors for already-developed sites, some have decreased their posting frequency, checking in only on a weekly or monthly basis, some have moved to YouTube or to podcasts, and some have left the internet all together. I could take any of those routes. I’m not sure what I want to do next. I haven’t decided what direction I’m going to go in. I don’t know how frequently I’ll be visiting this space. But I DO know that I’m going to keep posting about things I feel like talking about about. I’m just going to write when it feels right. So yeah. For now, I’m pushing pause. But I’m not stopping.
As an aside, I turned 27 a few weeks ago. It was my golden birthday.
This is my golden year.
I’m going to live it.